Can’t stop that negative mind chatter? Try this…

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We all have that voice in our head which talks to us all day, every day. Sometimes, the voice shares beautiful and inspiring messages, another time, it can bring us down and take us to places we don’t want to go. This voice can convince us that something terrible is going to happen, even when there is no physical evidence of it. This is the voice of fear and worry. The good news is, we can always choose, whether we want to listen to it or not. But how do we do that? I have a few suggestions I believe can help.

Thank you for sharing

When I used to struggle with anxiety, the voice of fear (that negative chatter) was with me almost all the time. Some days it was louder than others. For many years I was trying to push it away and by doing so it became even louder and was making my life very difficult. It was making me upset and exhausted. I was not motivated or excited about life at all at the time. After a while, I decided to take a different approach. Every time I could feel this negative voice lurking in, I started talking back to it. The talk went something like this: “There you are again. I’ve been expecting you. I presume you have nothing new to say to me, only the usual I’ve already heard before. So, please say it fast, as I have things to do right now. If you want to stay, stay then, but remember that I make the decisions whether I want to listen to you or not.” This approach helped me enormously. Try it and see how you get on.

Stay centred ~ Stay grounded

What do I mean by this? I mean to be in control. Don’t let that negative chatter in your mind control your life. Every time you worry about something, ask yourself: What evidence do I have this may happen? If you can’t find at least 3 healthy reasons, let it go and re-focus your attention to the present moment. This also means no future-tripping or past-travelling. Your power lies in the present moment, always.

You are the only thinker in your mind

When you are a natural worrier, I know it may not be as easy to let go of that negative chatter. But, by reminding yourself several times a day that you are the only thinker in your mind and you are choosing these thoughts, nobody is choosing them for you, you can make a change. Start small and regain back the power that has always been yours.

When past visits you (yet again)

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Last Thursday I woke up at 3 am. I thought, after a few moments, I will fall asleep again, but I didn’t it. My mind was racing and my thoughts were overtaking the peaceful state I was trying so hard to create. After trying to fall asleep for about an hour, I decided to get up. The thoughts I was having in those early hours led me to some dark places of the past, I would rather erase from my life, completely. They seemed so real once again, making me feel uncomfortable. So, as I got up, I went to the kitchen, made myself breakfast and decided to write my thoughts down. I allowed the pen to glide on the page of my diary and let these thoughts and emotions stick to the paper. I started feeling a little relief, but it still wasn’t enough. Later, in the shower, it got bad again. I started thinking about something from even more distant past. I began wondering, why do I have to deal with this today? I have things to do and it seemed like a complete waste of time. I realised it must be happening for a reason. I must admit, at that point, I felt sad, angry and frustrated at the same time. It felt like a dark cloud just formed above my head and followed me around. Analysing why I felt the way I felt led me to a realisation, that I need to start a major clearing in my life.

I began with a space clearing

Cleaning my flat was a good place to start. Throwing away things which were long overdue to go, dusting off the shelves and afterwards lighting candles, and clearing the space using a sage and palo santo offered me peace of mind.

Creating a feeling good state

Clearing the flat definitely lifted off some heavy energies, but I needed to go deeper. I decided to sit in stillness and meditate. Meditation always brings clarity into my life and a fresher perspective. And it did just that. Clearing your mind of unpleasant thoughts can seem like a major task especially when you are feeling down, however, it works when you give it a chance. Begin by lighting a candle, putting on some soothing music and taking a few deep breaths. You can add some visualisation to this by imagining you are walking through a beautiful garden and seeing the most vivid colours, hearing the most beautiful sounds and feeling at peace with yourself and everything that surrounds you. You can go anywhere in your imagination and if you are thinking about beautiful things, it will make you feel great. This helped me enormously and shifted my energy. After this meditation, the unpleasant thoughts about the past didn’t seem so big anymore. I had a completely different perspective and once again looked at those experiences as lessons I learned so much from.

The clearing continues and it goes even deeper

Clearing your past doesn’t only mean clearing old emotions, some of them still unresolved, but to clear some people from your life as well. This may sound harsh to some of you, but the truth is, some people need to go. You might have outgrown certain friendships/relationships and that’s okay. There may be people in your life you only keep in touch because you once had something in common, but it may not be true anymore. There may even be people you feel drained around, so you avoid them, but still call them friends. This is being untrue to yourself. Don’t feel bad or guilty about this. It may be a sign to let them go. 

Letting go gracefully

Letting go doesn’t have to be dramatic or painful. You can let go of people gracefully. I know you care about other people’s feelings, but if this friendship or a relationship is not serving you well anymore, it’s time to let go. Listen to your intuition how to do this. Let go smoothly, steadily and gracefully.

You are in control

Past is not here anymore and there is nothing which can be changed about it, however, your approach towards the past can be changed. You can either let it control your life or you can let it go gracefully, as mentioned above. Choose the latter, reclaim the power that has always been yours, and focus on your life which is happening now.

When life gets too busy

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The truth is, I had quite a hectic past few weeks. Finding myself running around and busier than usual, were just a few of the warning signals to slow down. I am not mentioning this to complain. I must admit, many amazing things are happening as a result of putting in all this effort. But what I am referring to, is that I’ve noticed I’ve been finding quite difficult to switch off and just relax. This has been happening even during my meditation, which is my twice a day non-negotiable. Some days were so hectic, I looked at meditation as ‘just another thing’ I have to cross off my to-do-list. That was a turning point for me. I hated feeling this way and I soon realised this craziness had to stop. Even when you are busy, looking after yourself and pausing several times a day should be your number one priority. I had to remind myself of this last week when my lack of energy and ‘too much to do’ overtook everything else. Of course, as always, I love teaching what I’m learning and discovering, so listed below are a few ways I find very useful in the midst of a very busy period of my life. I hope they can inspire you.

Pause and just BE

This has become my daily reminder. Lately, as I’ve been noticing a tendency of always doing something, I’ve been finding hard to keep still and relax, even when I meditate (as mentioned above). So what am I learning from this experience? I’m learning to pause and just BE. I actually began last week by forcing myself to just lie down on the sofa, staring at the ceiling, doing absolutely nothing. It was hard at first, but it’s starting to work now. Remember to pause several times a day, breathe and just BE. Those moments are priceless.

Head out to the woods

Nature is a natural healer and a story-teller. When life gets hectic, I know I need to go home to my true self and it always helps when I head out to nature. I gain clarity and peace of mind while surrounded by nature’s beauty. I feel more present and at peace with myself and the world around me. My tip when life gets hectic? Go somewhere natural at least three times a week. It will serve you well.

Do something nice for yourself

Whether is taking yourself on a date (I love doing that by the way), watching a funny film or taking a relaxing bath. Most of us live such busy ‘routine’ lifestyles. We wake up, have breakfast, go to work, come back, have dinner, watch TV, go to bed and repeat it all over again the following day. To change that, add something nice to your daily routine and also plan something to look forward to.

I will leave you with this true and powerful statement:

“Never get so busy making a living, that you forget to make a life.” 

Create a reality that works for you

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Lately, especially in the last couple of months, I keep noticing more and more hate, arguments and negativity in the world. Well, I do understand when people react from a place of fear, worry and uncertainty. The world we live in became very unsettled and many people live in so much fear and anxiety about what tomorrow’s going to bring. But at the same time, the world is the incredibly beautiful place, full of magic, wonder and great opportunities. Based on all of the above, I thought, today would be a great day to reverse the conversation from the negative frequency and change our perspective. All of us can do that. We can all rise above any limitation and negativity we face. I call it: Creating a reality that works for us, despite what’s going on around us.

Your beliefs mirror the world you see

I think of you and I, as powerful universal beings with so much potential for greatness. That’s who you really are. You have so much wisdom within you to create magnificent things. You need to wake up from the illusion that has been placed upon you. When you do that, magical things will start to happen. You will no longer perceive yourself as somebody who is just a participant of what is going on around you. You are going to realise, you are the co-creator of that what you are experiencing and you have a big part to play. 

Step out of the victim zone

It’s your choice and only yours alone. Pointing your finger at somebody, e.g. government, your boss, neighbour, difficult spouse etc. is not going to get you anywhere. On the contrary, taking responsibility for your own life and your own choices can make a huge difference. Know your truth and create the reality you want to see based on that truth.

Who is right and who is wrong?

No one is right and no one is wrong. It’s all just a perception of the world we see and what we accepted to be true for us. There is no one to blame. Everyone holds their own beliefs, understandings and knowledge at any given moment, which can always shift or dissolve. We all have different points of view and we will always have them. We are not going to get on with everyone and we shouldn’t even try to do that. We are all on a different stage of this journey called life as humans or souls. Not everyone has the same level of awareness and that’s okay. Be kind to each other and be compassionate towards each other. We all need to come to our own realisations when the time is right for us.

I created a reality that works for me

I don’t ignore what is going on in the world. Of course, I too get upset about it, but by me being upset for more than I should is not going to make the situation any better. I choose not to hang around in the darkness for too long now. However, bringing positive vibrations and sending them out to the world, will make a difference, first in my own world and later in the wider world. Don’t think you are too insignificant to make a difference. I also believe what we are going through collectively right now is needed for the humanity to finally wake up and take responsibility for the personal power each of us holds, but unfortunately give away so easily. To sum up, as I said at the beginning, the world is a beautiful place and we should cherish it. I love living in the reality where I can see lots of beauty, such as our amazing nature. I am grateful to be living in the world where there is music that always puts a smile on my face. I love living in the world where there are so many amazing human beings that have touched my life in so many amazing ways. So, therefore, I choose every day to create a reality that works for me, knowing that what I focus on will expand, and I will soon see in front of me because the world I see is always a reflection of my inner state.

A thought to keep

“Rise above the illusion. Create a reality that works for you, and start living the life you desire. Why wait? It’s your journey, make it the way you want to.”

~Jana Prackova 

Persevere & make your dreams come true

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Today’s blog post is a little coaching session from me. It’s about persevering and working towards your dreams, even when things get difficult. I strongly believe when something is important to us, we are going to make it happen. What I also believe in, is that when we are working towards our dream, we may occasionally be led to even a better one. I am always open to that possibility because I’ve experienced it.

So you have a dream and you are excited about it, but there may be times, when you may feel de-motivated, discouraged or even want to give up. In those moments is important to remind yourself how far I’ve come already. This can give you the courage to move forward and show you a way to rise above any obstacles along the way.

We all feel discouraged sometimes, we all feel de-motivated, we all get tired. Especially when we have been working towards something for a long time and the whole process may seem to be taking a while. In the beginning, the excitement is always there, but when the first obstacles start arising, we may question whether we should carry on. The secret of many successful people is to persevere. You never know how close you may be to winning? Many dreams are let go of, just before the results are about to show up.

Let go of the control of ‘how and when’ and keep going

I am currently in the process of completing a beautiful project which I’ve been working on for a few years. I will reveal the news in November. But during this process, I often felt discouraged, especially when things were not going according to my plans. Even though there were obstacles, I persevered and with a help of some amazing people who supported me, I am pleased to say we are almost done. When you let go of the control of how and when, and you relax and go with the flow, the way will be shown to you. And keep in mind, that it may not happen the what you expected (it may be even better).

Why did you begin?

I know that you may be tired or even feel that you want to give up. Pause for a moment and think about why you started? What prompted you to begin? Who inspired you? What was the vision? Write it all down. I often find, when I write things down and see them in front of me on a piece of paper, I see the reasons why I’m doing what I’m doing. This helps me see my vision clearly again. It also gives me the courage to persevere.

Sometimes you take 2 steps forward, another time 5 steps back (and that’s okay)

Remember this statement. Sometimes you take 2 steps forward, another time 5 steps back. My flying instructor used to tell me that and it motivated me every time. Even when things got difficult, I took a deep breath and tried again and again. I didn’t give up even though it was hard.

Make yourself proud

Yes, you can make yourself proud. Keep moving forward, keep doing your best in any given moment. You can absolutely make your dreams come true. Hard work, perseverance and a clear vision will get you where you want to go. Believe in yourself.

A thought to keep

“Perseverance, the secret of all triumphs.” ~Victor Hugo 

Trust your inner wisdom, it knows best

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My dad always says: Value other people’s advice but always follow your own inner wisdom. This advice always serves me well. But of course, like all of us, there are days when I don’t choose to listen to my inner voice. This happens when my mind overtakes and I am so drawn into a problem that needs solving or influenced by the ideas of others. When I make a decision from this place, it doesn’t take me too long to realise, I should’ve listened to my own inner guidance. I recently had a couple of important decisions to make and I am pleased to say, that my inner wisdom presented me with the best choices again. So, how do you recognise the voice of your inner wisdom? Listed below are a few ways I believe can help.

How do I feel about this?

Ask yourself this simple question: ‘How do I feel about this?’ Then, pay attention to any signals within your physical body. Do you suddenly feel like you have a knot in your stomach or a lump in your throat? Or do you feel excited about what you are asking about?  A couple of months ago I made a YouTube video on this subject you may find useful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TGFnZhESTo

Are you doing this just to please someone?

Are you doing something just to please someone, so they won’t get upset with you and still like you, or do you genuinely want to do what they asking for? When you enquire within, you already know the answer. You feel it within the whole level of your being.

Meditation (sitting in stillness)

Meditation is a wonderful way to align with your inner wisdom. When I have an important decision to make, I know I need to go home to my true self and ask my inner guidance (my soul). I sit in stillness and take a few deep breaths. This allows me to quieten my mind. When I feel calmer, I ask how shall I deal with the situation? The answer may come to me straight away, tomorrow or within a few days. Try it.

Automatic writing

This is another powerful exercise you can try. Get out your diary and a pen and start writing. Write, whatever comes to your mind related to the things you may be confused about. When you read it back, you may find some answers you are looking for.

Value other people’s advice, but don’t get influenced by it too much

Like my dad says: Value other people’s advice but always follow your own inner wisdom. Others can give you a great insight from a different perspective and that is great, but remember, always do what feels right for you.

A thought to keep

“You already know what to do. Trust your inner wisdom, it knows best.”

Self-honesty

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I recently recorded a podcast episode about transformation and healing emotions. In this episode I talked about my own experiences with healing my past, letting go of what it no longer serving me, so I can make space for what’s really meant for me. This work also includes being honest with myself. I used to struggle in this area and I was often dishonest when it came to my feelings. I thought, covering how I really feel by repeating positive statements would magically make my struggles disappear. I would pretend that everything’s was great and life was fantastic. The truth was the actual opposite. Let me point out, that I have nothing against positive affirmations or quotations, I still love them. They can truly brighten our day. But when it comes to self-honesty, I had to learn (and still learning) how to love myself for who I am, without pushing how I really feel away. Learning to love every aspect of myself: the beautiful, the dark, the happy, the confused is not always easy, but it’s truly liberating.  It’s called self-love, and I am embracing it fully now. Self-love simply means having a healthy respect towards your beautiful self as a whole. Listed below are a few ways which I found very helpful when it comes to self-honesty.

1) Having a good cry

There is absolutely no shame in having a good cry. In the last couple of months, I am very emotional and cry just a little every single day and I am not ashamed to admit it. There is a beautiful transformation happening in my life right now and I am fully embracing it. I am healing my past and letting whatever comes up to the surface come up, so it can be fully felt, healed and released. It’s a beautiful, but also a painful process, and that’s okay. Having a good cry can help you become more honest with yourself and finally admitting your true feelings to yourself (some you may have been hiding for years).

2) Asking yourself what is working and what is not

This is important. It’s like with a relationship that already served its purpose. Some relationships did, a long time ago, and we may be the only ones who are still trying to save them just because we are so used to them. It’s time to let go. It’s time to start fresh and really becoming honest with yourself and your relationships (whether romantic, business or friendships) and with everything else that needs to go. If something’s wrong, admit it to yourself. Don’t try to fix everything and everyone when there is no point anymore.

3) Expressing yourself on the pages of your diary

Writing is a wonderful exercise which can assist you in healing and becoming really honest with yourself. Express yourself on the pages of your diary without editing yourself. It is yours and you can tell it anything you want without editing yourself. This can be incredibly therapeutic.

A thought to keep

“Real transformation requires real honesty. If you want to move forward ~get real with yourself.” Bryant McGill 

How I turned being bullied at school to my advantage as an adult

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A week ago, I sat in the garden with my parents. We talked about many things. The topic of childhood came up. My parents and I discussed the good and the not-so-good memories we had. Mentioning one particular experience made me very emotional. I visited that old memory to such an extent I burst into tears. I haven’t cried in front of my mum and dad for years. I wasn’t embarrassed, on the contrary, I felt relieved and comforted while surrounded by loved ones.

All through my childhood and teenage years I’ve been bullied, made fun of, laugh at or called names. I am not mentioning this to complain about it; I am writing about it because I want to help you turn your own struggles to your advantage. It is not my intention to go into much detail, but let’s say, there were some kids in the village I grew up who would pick on me on a daily basis. Why me? I wasn’t sure exactly. I was very quiet and shy, and some kids, like the bullies I was surrounded by, are always ready to attack the ones who don’t know how to stand up for themselves. The days of my childhood and teenage years were some of the darkest days of my life. Now, I have a different outlook on it all. They made me stronger as an adult.

What did I gain from this experience?

  • I learnt to stand up for myself
  • I learnt to speak up for myself (but still have much to learn in this category) 
  • I learnt to be proud of who I am
  • I learnt to put my needs first
  • I worked on myself very hard and I can confidently say I’m doing well in life
  • I achieved many incredible things 
  • I learnt to be a strong and independent woman 

If you had been bullied as a child or going through a similar experience right now, I can fully relate. Please know, that you have so much power and so much wisdom within you to rise above any challenge you face. First of all, don’t keep it to yourself. Talk to someone about it. There are so many loving and caring people and organisations who would be able to help. When I was bullied, at first, I was afraid to tell my parents. Later, it got so far, I had to. Their support helped me enormously. Don’t wait and also know this: Bullies, whether you encounter them at school, on social media or at work, are insecure individuals who need to pick on others to be seen as powerful. The truth is, there are the weak ones. They are unconsciously showing their weakness by making fun of someone else. They are the ones who are searching for love, support and attention and feel lost. 

A thought to keep

‘When you re-visit the painful experiences of your past, the pain may still be present and you may feel emotional. This is only natural. When you rise above them and choose to view them from a higher perspective, a tremendous healing can take place. Suddenly you are not the victim anymore; you are the survivor, the one who won.’ ~Jana Prackova

Take a break, relax & get inspired

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My holiday is starting today and I am definitely ready for it. Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been working very hard. The great news is, I can see some amazing results and so happy where is Mystic Butterfly® heading. The hard work is definitely paying off. I will be sharing some exciting news with you within the next couple of months, but now, is time to relax, unwind and spend some time with my family. I can’t think of a better way of spending my Summer holiday than surrounded by my loved ones. I will be taking a couple of weeks off from writing too, so the next email you will get in your inbox from me (if you are a Mystic Butterfly subscriber) will be on 21st August. Until then, I will still be sharing inspiring posts (and a few holiday pictures) throughout my social media accounts.

A quick note for my students: Meditation classes and group coaching classes will resume in September. Please, check out this page for all the dates: http://www.mysticbutterfly.co.uk/classes/

So, now it’s time to unwind and relax

Taking time off is very important, even when you really enjoy the work you do. Every time I take time off and change the scenery from my everyday environment, I get instantly inspired. I keep my notebook handy to write down any ideas, so get ready for lots of inspiring posts coming your way. So, I’m signing off now and will leave you with this powerful quote by Doe Zantamata:

“Taking time to do nothing sometimes often brings everything into perspective” ~Doe Zantamata