Does not keeping in touch with your friends make you a bad person?

Someone recently asked me: ‘Does not keeping in touch with my friends so often make me a bad person?’ My response to that was: ‘Absolutely not.’ I had a few things to say about it, because lately, I haven’t been socialising much at all. I’ve been introverting, living in my own world, keeping it to myself. I’ve seen a  couple of friends in the last few months, who live nearby, but that’s about it. Not socialising much or seeing my dear friends doesn’t mean I don’t care about them. Of course I do. I love my friends so much. But these days I’m going through a phase in life when I really value being at home, looking after myself and protecting my energy from crowded places which drain me of energy.

I remember years ago, when I was younger, I was trying to keep in touch with everyone all the time. I value other people and their precious time, so I would go out of my way to do so. Whenever I’d found any spare hour, even though I’d be tired, I’d go out of my way and never disappoint. I was doing myself a lot of disservice and at our gatherings my energy would be scattered and I wouldn’t be fully present and myself.

At the time, I held onto an old belief that I have to always go the extra mile to see people, so they would like me and appreciate me. This old belief came from my childhood and teenage years, when I would be happy that someone actually spend time with me. At the time I felt unworthy and insignificant. When I made some friends I wanted to keep them, even though some of them were not good for me. I valued their time and their company, so I would do anything for them. This old belief brought an unhealthy pattern into my life and made me believe that I need to be always available to others.

Later, exhausted and drained of energy, I realised what I was actually doing to myself. I became angry with myself and built barriers around me that made me detached from the reality as much as possible. It got quite bad that all I wanted was to be on my own. The thought of being around people was making me feel very uncomfortable. However, after a while I realised, this didn’t feel good at all. I was craving for the company of others, but this time I had to approach it differently and I never looked back.

These days, I only have a few good friends. Many of them I don’t see very often, but I know they love me and accept me for who I am. They understand that I am an introvert and I get easily exhausted when I’m in public places for too long. They understand that I don’t always want to socialise and they don’t resent me for it. They know that even though we don’t see each other very often I love them anyway and I’m often available to have a chat on the phone or through text messages. When we do meet in person, however, I can give them my full attention they deserve.
So, if you think that not meeting up with others, as often as you think you should, make you a bad person, put it out of your mind. The right people, who love you and appreciate you, and who are meant to stay in your life, will always do and understand that you are just different, perhaps an introvert like me, and will not resent you for it.
And, to all my dear friends, whom I haven’t seen for a while. You know I deeply love you and care about you, even though I’m mostly introverting these days.

Jana Prackova

Jana Prackova is the founder of Mystic Butterfly® ~ a guide to your true self, writer, traveller and a spiritual life coach. She loves inspiring people and her mission is teaching others how to reach their true potential by connecting with their spiritual side. In her spare time, she flies aeroplanes, writes music and loves exploring the mysteries of the Universe. Jana has been featured in the LOOP flying magazine and The Flight School Times and inspired many aspiring pilots worldwide to follow their dreams. She is the author of Mystic Butterfly - a guide to your true self and Aerin and a Troll children's book.

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