When I was younger I didn’t have many friends. I wanted to be liked and accepted, so I began seeking approval from others and pretending that my life was interesting, even though it was a complete opposite of that. I wanted to know what it would feel like to be like the popular kids at school and I would do anything to make it happen. I carried the desire to be liked and accepted to my adulthood, and as a result of this, brought so much pain into my life.
Seeking attention and approval was something I would search for daily. Only then, I could feel worthy and somehow accepted. I was constantly trying to prove to others that I was good enough and I wasn’t afraid. I was trying to impress people by showing them what it means to lead this wonderful and adventurous lifestyle that looked good on the outside but was so painful on the inside.
I was full of fear, unhappy and living a big lie. Later, completely exhausted of the theatre performance I put on for many years, I realised none of it makes any sense and how silly it was. I’ve decided to become more myself and being okay with it. Of course, stepping into my truth wasn’t easy at all. Feelings of shame, guilt and anxiety have been following me around like a dark cloud. I still detour to these places every now and then, but I’m no longer hard on myself when I do. I’m not afraid to be myself anymore.
Becoming true to myself
Admitting that I was afraid and stopping to seek approval from others released a lot of pressure from my life. I was no longer relying on them to praise me for my accomplishments and admiring how wonderful my life seemed, instead, I committed to live more and more in my truth. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
If you want to impress someone, impress yourself
The only person you should try to impress is yourself. Forget about impressing other people, stop seeking attention and approval from them and focus on you. What’s the point of pretending to be fearless or worrying what others think of you? It’s not always easy, I completely understand, but give it a go. You’ll feel more at peace and free.
Ever since I can remember, I have been afraid of standing up for myself. I often said yes when I meant no, just to please others. I would go out of my way doing favours for other people, so they wouldn’t get upset with me, even though I knew they wouldn’t do the same for me. I didn’t know what being assertive meant and thought of myself as inferior and worthless. All I was striving for was to be liked, accepted and have friends. With that, came lots of advantage-taking and emotional pain. I had no boundaries and this caused me so much inner suffering.
In terms of speaking up, this was a huge deal for me. I must admit, I still detour into this place more than you may think. Picking up the phone and deal with something that can’t be resolved any other way, making a complaint at a department store which I have a full right to make can still be a big challenge for me. Why? I’m still afraid. I still haven’t healed myself fully, my past fears and feelings of inadequacy. That’s the truth.
Most people who don’t know me think I’m very confident. In my case, confidence is a learned skill. By making this statement I don’t mean I’m faking it or I’m pretending to be someone I’m not. I’ve passed that stage. What I mean, however, is that we live in a tough world, and learning to be tough and becoming more confident is a necessity, especially for us introverts. On the other hand, I am very confident in my ideas and beliefs, and I’m so happy this comes to me naturally.
The year 2010 was a year of big changes for me when my inner transformation truly began. Little did that I know at the time, it will take years to shed off many old energies and unlearning bad habits which caused me so much pain and anxiety. I’m still working on it, but the transformation I am seeing is incredible. I’m learning to speak up more and fear the world less. I’m learning to stand in my power and be the person I truly am without pretending or trying to impress anyone. It’s not always an easy process, but I am willing to be a life long student if I must.
Why am I sharing all this with you today?
- To help you be your authentic self while you are working on bettering yourself
- To give you permission to step out of your own comfort zone, so you can start becoming the person you truly are
- To help you release the blocks that have been holding you back and step into your truth, fully
- To help you accept that it is okay to disappoint people when their requests don’t resonate with your truth
- To help you let go of old beliefs and labels others may have placed on you and you so deeply accepted
“Own your truth. Be who you came here to be. Don’t be ashamed of your story and show the world the beautiful person and soul that you truly are.”