Does not keeping in touch with your friends make you a bad person?

Someone recently asked me: ‘Does not keeping in touch with my friends so often make me a bad person?’ My response to that was: ‘Absolutely not.’ I had a few things to say about it, because lately, I haven’t been socialising much at all. I’ve been introverting, living in my own world, keeping it to myself. I’ve seen a  couple of friends in the last few months, who live nearby, but that’s about it. Not socialising much or seeing my dear friends doesn’t mean I don’t care about them. Of course I do. I love my friends so much. But these days I’m going through a phase in life when I really value being at home, looking after myself and protecting my energy from crowded places which drain me of energy.

I remember years ago, when I was younger, I was trying to keep in touch with everyone all the time. I value other people and their precious time, so I would go out of my way to do so. Whenever I’d found any spare hour, even though I’d be tired, I’d go out of my way and never disappoint. I was doing myself a lot of disservice and at our gatherings my energy would be scattered and I wouldn’t be fully present and myself.

At the time, I held onto an old belief that I have to always go the extra mile to see people, so they would like me and appreciate me. This old belief came from my childhood and teenage years, when I would be happy that someone actually spend time with me. At the time I felt unworthy and insignificant. When I made some friends I wanted to keep them, even though some of them were not good for me. I valued their time and their company, so I would do anything for them. This old belief brought an unhealthy pattern into my life and made me believe that I need to be always available to others.

Later, exhausted and drained of energy, I realised what I was actually doing to myself. I became angry with myself and built barriers around me that made me detached from the reality as much as possible. It got quite bad that all I wanted was to be on my own. The thought of being around people was making me feel very uncomfortable. However, after a while I realised, this didn’t feel good at all. I was craving for the company of others, but this time I had to approach it differently and I never looked back.

These days, I only have a few good friends. Many of them I don’t see very often, but I know they love me and accept me for who I am. They understand that I am an introvert and I get easily exhausted when I’m in public places for too long. They understand that I don’t always want to socialise and they don’t resent me for it. They know that even though we don’t see each other very often I love them anyway and I’m often available to have a chat on the phone or through text messages. When we do meet in person, however, I can give them my full attention they deserve.
So, if you think that not meeting up with others, as often as you think you should, make you a bad person, put it out of your mind. The right people, who love you and appreciate you, and who are meant to stay in your life, will always do and understand that you are just different, perhaps an introvert like me, and will not resent you for it.
And, to all my dear friends, whom I haven’t seen for a while. You know I deeply love you and care about you, even though I’m mostly introverting these days.

Do you worry what other people think of you?

One of the best things I’ve ever decided to give up is the worry what other people think of me. This can be a many-year process (and I’m still in it), but when you begin you will start feeling lighter and more at peace. We give other people so much space in our minds, a space that we could easily use for ourselves, our creativity, our dreams and something way more meaningful. Over the years, I’ve realised that the most important thing is to know who I am, and the way other people perceive me has nothing to do with me. Instead, it has everything to do with them and with the way they perceive the world.

We all have different experiences, beliefs, upbringing and all of that has a huge impact on how we see others, how judgmental or non-judgmental we become. We are all greatly affected by our early conditioning. This early conditioning gave us a platform from which we are building our lives brick by brick. We get influenced by other people’s opinions and their beliefs, and even without realising we adopt them so strongly, and the most repeated ones become facts for us. These so-called facts might have been something that was only an opinion of one person, but by repetition, it got so deeply-rooted within our subconscious, it became unquestionable. That’s how beliefs get formed and from that perspective, we often view the rest of the world and everyone in it.

Do you worry, what other people think of you?

If you are a natural worrier, like me, take a deep breath. The natural worrying is also a result of your early conditioning. The good news is, you can make a decision today to start looking at it from a different perspective. I’m not going to tell you to just stop worrying what others think of you. This doesn’t happen overnight and it can be a long process.

What I’m going to suggest, however, is to ask yourself these few questions: Does it really matter what this person thinks of me? Why do I care so much about this person’s opinion? Is he/she someone very important in my life? Is their opinion going to benefit me in some way (although it might if they give you some useful, developmental feedback)? 

The next thing I’m going to suggest is practising self-love and respect. When we have love and respect towards ourselves, we know who we are and the other people’s opinions don’t matter as such. I’ve written quite a lot on these topics, so feel free to visit my website and check out my blog posts: http://www.mysticbutterfly.co.uk/blog/ And you don’t necessarily have to read those. There are so many resources on the internet these days where you can find so much about self-love, healing and self-respect. Take some time to do your research and give yourself all the love and respect you deserve.

And here is the fact:

Not everyone is going to like you. And you know what? That’s okay. You shouldn’t even try to accomplish that. I used to be a people pleaser and it was such a waste of energy. Live your own life, focus on what matters to you and invest your precious time to people who really love you and care about you, not to the ones you how to prove your worth to.


Let go of control

Last week, my boyfriend and I were visiting my family in Slovakia. During our visit, we happened to play a lot of table tennis. I didn’t know much about table tennis before and only tried to play it a couple of times before. This time, I’ve decided to learn more about the game.

At first, I felt under pressure and a bit intimidated every time I played. But after a few days, I discovered something that astounded me. The more I played, the more relaxed I became, whether I won or lost. I don’t remember the last time I felt this calm while playing a game. Ever since I can remember, I’ve always been quite competitive in any sport or game. I’ve realised that being calm and not having a controlling attitude, allowed me to fully enjoy the game and also do well in it.

The point of this post is not to teach you about table tennis, but about letting go of expectations and relaxing more into life. When we stop obsessing about something, whether that’s an outcome or wanting things to go a certain way, we become calmer and at peace with ourselves and the world around us. This leads to no expectations and a more joyful way of being. Expectations often lead to disappointments. Going with the flow, on the contrary, is what releases the pressure and allows things to unfold naturally. It makes the whole life experience more interesting and way more meaningful.
Nobody likes controlling energy. Nobody likes controlling people with attitude, obsessing about every single detail or outcome in their life. Nobody likes needy energy and annoying people who put pressure on others. We can all easily feel this kind of energy, and naturally, want to get away from it ASAP.
So, try to relax more into life, even though it may be hard at times. Remember the above example in times when you are trying to control something or someone, and instead of controlling, take a few deep breaths, count down from ten to one, and ask yourself, whether you want to waste your precious energy by being controlling or you want to feel more at peace about it? Remember, that we can’t get too far by having a controlling attitude, however, by approaching life in a calmer manner will bring ourselves more joyful experiences.

You are far too unique to be comparing yourself to others

In these times of digital age, we often think, how wonderful other people’s lives are when we look on social media. We see photos of luxurious holidays, flawless selfies of young women with perfect hair. We see inspiring men and women posting fitness videos and pictures in their workout gear and drinking green juices every morning to keep them looking young, healthy and beautiful.

Don’t get me wrong. I love social media and the age we live in. I often get inspired by other people’s sharings and it is through social media I’ve connected with so many incredible people around the entire world.

But being surrounded by all these amazing and flawless beings who are showing us their incredible lives, can make some of us wondering: Where’s my perfect body? Where is my beautiful skin? Where’s my money for all these dream holidays and helicopter rides?’ We begin to compare ourselves to these people and then we feel bad. The truth is, even their reality may not be the way they are presenting it on their social media accounts.

There are not many people who would talk about their struggles online, that they had a bad day or they’ve put on so much weight on in the last couple of months. Instead, people talk about their highlights, which is understandable. Who knows, they may be going through something difficult, we know nothing about, but would not share it publicly. Instead, they lift themselves up by posting something that helps them stay on a positive frequency. Of course, there are also people who like to show off to make others believe how incredible their lives are. But there are also so many genuine people who are just simply excited to share their happiness with others.

I recently read an article about a young model who would post a photo of herself on social media every single day. In that article, she described the whole experience as a rather daunting process. It would take her ages to get ready, take a selfie, airbrushing it and writing a catchy caption to ensure she gets many likes and followers. This always left her feeling exhausted and unfulfilled until she has changed her attitude towards it and started using social media differently.

I must admit, I also airbrushed some of my photos before. I’m still very particular what I post and how I present myself on the internet. But in the last couple of years, I am learning to be more raw and real, as well in photos, so in my articles. Since then, I’ve become to feel more at ease. When you are real, people can relate to you more. They don’t feel intimidated by you or feel bad that they don’t have it all figured out. Then, the comparison becomes irrelevant.

So my friends, let’s be more true to ourselves. Let’s stop comparing ourselves to all these ‘perfect’ people online. We are far too unique to be comparing ourselves to others. Let’s be more loving towards our beautiful selves and let’s stop putting so much pressure on them. Let’s be more authentic and show the world that it’s okay to be that way.


Dealing with difficult people

One of my students recently told me that he has been dealing with a difficult colleague at work. This colleague occasionally picks on him, points things out to him and is being generally unpleasant. When I learned about this, I could immediately relate to his situation. Years and years of bullying at school and by the kids in the village I grew up made me a little qualified to give advice in this area.

I believe when someone is unpleasant to us or picks on us, has nothing to do with us, but everything to do with them. Bullies, whether we encounter them at work, school or on social media are only insecure individuals. They are so insecure that they need to pick on others, whom they consider weaker, to feel powerful and in control. The truth is, they are the weak ones because all they are doing is seeking attention and trying to be seen while making someone else’s life difficult. They often want us to fight back so they can bring us down even more. This is not how we should approach them.

Staying true to ourselves while dealing with someone difficult means standing in our power. Staying true to ourselves means not lowering ourselves to their standard. That’s what they want. Ignoring the person’s unnecessary comments where possible, minding our own business and not engaging in a conversation with them unless we have to is important. Someone like that doesn’t even deserve our response.

These days we can also encounter difficult people or bullies on social media. The best way when someone makes an unpleasant comment to your account or is rude is to ignore it or immediately block them off.  These kinds of individuals don’t deserve your precious time and energy. What have they done for you, except making you feel uncomfortable? Block them!

When things get out of control, it is equally important not to suffer in silence. I was glad my student approach me and shared with me his concerns. I advised him, that if it gets worse, to definitely talk to his manager and raise his concerns. We spend so much of our time at work and if someone makes us feel uncomfortable there this creates lots of unnecessary stress and anxiety which we can be without. I also told him if this guy asks him why is he ignoring him to simply say: ‘Can I be honest with you? You are making me feel uncomfortable. Unless you have something important to say to me, which is work-related, please don’t say anything at all.’  

The truth is, we are not going to get on with everybody in life and we shouldn’t even try. When I used to be bullied at school, I was trying to befriend these people and do things for them, just to create peace. It was 100% wrong and being untrue to myself. Well, I didn’t know any better, being only an innocent and a scared child. Remember, whoever has brought any kind of pain or discomfort into your life doesn’t deserve a place in your life.


Rising above hurtful comments

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend told me that one of his regular customers asked him how he was doing. He replied: Great! I’ve just come back from a lovely holiday with my girlfriend and her family.” His customer replied: Are you still with her?” My boyfriend said: “Of course.” The man responded: Never trust an Eastern European. All they want is your money.” My boyfriend, utterly in shock, responded: Well, that’s what you think, and you don’t know my girlfriend and who she is. She is an amazing person who always helps others, never uses anyone, is a giver, educated and well-accomplished young woman. One of the most generous and nicest people I’ve ever known.”  The man said, none of that means anything, because she is an Eastern European. William, my boyfriend, was very disappointed because he has known this man for some time, liked him and would never expect him to say anything like that. At that point, he changed his mind about him completely. The wife of this man, who was with him, looked embarrassed and in shock too.

My reaction:

When I learned what this man has said, I got upset. He never even met me, and unfortunately, had some ideas in his mind that prompted him to say these hurtful things, most of all, making him look silly in front of my boyfriend. Because I was born in Slovakia doesn’t mean that I cannot be trusted or would take advantage of anyone?  It made me wonder where and how do people come up with these kinds of ideas? Why we, as humanity, judge others based on their nationality, religion or skin colour? I happened to be born in Slovakia. Does this mean I should be put into a certain category? On the other hand, when somebody happens to be born in some so-called, well-developed country, is that going to make them better than others? None of it makes sense. People often don’t realise how their unwise comments can crush someone’s confidence and make them feel small, especially someone who already have low self-esteem and little confidence. I must admit, this unpleasant comment upset me, but luckily I don’t believe in separation, so I managed to get over it quite quickly. My boyfriend wasn’t sure whether to tell me about it at first, but because we are both very honest with each other, he decided to share it with me. I’m pleased he did because I always learn so much from these examples and can help others through them.

The truth is:

Your nationality, religion, skin colour, job title and whatever label the world has placed on you does not define you. Because, for example,  you were happened to be born in one part of the world, that is not considered a great empire or something amazing, does not make you feel less than anybody else. These lies need to be finally dissolved because they are poisoning the entire world. Who came up with them in the first place? Is it people who drew lines on the map and created borders? Is it people who created different religions? Is it people who said that people with different skin colour are less than others? Is it people who said that someone is not good enough because their parents are labour workers and others are successful entrepreneurs? We need to let go of these silly lies once and for all and start creating a world that is happy and comfortable for everyone. The planet belongs to all of us, despite where we came from and we should all get the opportunity to experience it fully.

Yes, it makes me frustrated and fearful to write about this. But at the same time, it also makes me feel strong about my opinions and the truth I’m ready to fully step into and share with you. The world needs to finally wake up. We need to treat each person as an individual, as a fellow human being, an occupant of this earth, a citizen of the universe. That’s who we really are. Let’s look beyond the labels and lies like this and rise above them. Let’s start looking at them as something that once existed and was so pathetic to even talk about. Let’s be more kind to each other. Let’s make this experience on the earth happy and fulfilling one to help reach a higher consciousness of this planet and in the entire universe.

So what can we do today to have more unity consciousness rather than living in separation? Is there something we can do to become wiser and live at peace with each other rather than believing the lies the world has placed upon us? How can we educate the unaware, like the man who has put me into a category and made some unpleasant comments about me, before he has even met me? There are a few things we can do.

Be an example

Becoming an example to others and living our truth can be a huge step. We don’t have to preach anything to anyone, but by simply being kind and compassionate towards each other, we can inspire other people to do the same.

If your journey is the difficult one, you’ve been given an opportunity

If you happened to be born in a country that is not considered the ‘hot spot’ or something interesting to others, you have a great opportunity to take this to your advantage. You have an opportunity to rise above the label you’ve been given and show others how proud you are of the place you have been born to. Show the world that people from this country are equal to the rest.  Don’t be ashamed of your background, of your story and prove all these lies wrong. Educate others and let them know, not in a pushy way, that you, like everybody else, deserve the same amount of respect and affection and you shouldn’t be looked down on. You have the same rights, like everyone else and you are worthy because you were born. If you feel unworthy or less than, put this out of your mind right now. I know it can be difficult, especially if you are a ‘foreigner’ living in another country, I completely get it, because I’ve been facing this my whole adult life and it’s not always easy. We meet all sorts of people and not all of them are welcoming. But remember, you are the citizen of this world and you have the same rights, like everyone else. You should be the one to promote this truth and let others know that it is time to finally look beyond the old fashioned labels.

You are enough!

You are good enough as anybody else. No one should be putting you down and make you feel inferior. You are also powerful to embrace and rise above any challenge you face. So, if you have ever felt unworthy and experienced nasty or unfair comments from people like the one I described at the beginning of this post, please know that you are not alone. At the same time, please know that if the person who said something like that was a happy person, grounded and loving person, they wouldn’t have said it. They would mind their own business and making such comments would feel embarrassing to them and it would be proof that they are the ones who really need to wake up and educate themselves. Look at this post as an invitation to your greatness. Look at is as a new opportunity to hold your head up high, to become stronger and be there for others who may be facing something similar.

Rant over 🙂


When things go wrong & after all, none of it is a big deal

Just over a week ago, I returned from a holiday in beautiful Croatia. Although the holiday was wonderful and I had a lovely time with my boyfriend and my family, quite a few things have gone wrong which made my energy scattered all over the place, left me feeling edgy and prevented me from fully relaxing and enjoying my time off. Just want to say at the beginning, that it is not a point of this post to moan- far from it.

Please, hear me out…

So, since we arrived in Croatia, I had many things on my mind, most I had no control over. I found it difficult to relax. To make matters worse, in the middle of our trip, my neighbour had sent me a text, that she is having a leak down her wall and it seems to be coming from my flat. This really upset me, because there was nothing I could do, being so far away. I could only call a few people to deal with it on my behalf. I later found out, it had nothing to do with me, as I always triple check everything is switched off before I leave home.

Another inconvenience came out of upgrading my mobile phone (online), just a few days before our trip. I didn’t give any of this a second thought and assumed that all will work out fine. It turned out later, that the whole process wasn’t as smooth as I thought it would be. I received my new phone a couple of days before the trip, but without my original number being transferred to it. My network provider said, the number will work within a couple of days, but sadly it didn’t. I was on the phone to my network provider daily, for the first few days of my holiday, without any success. All of it was big chaos, and of course, dealing with the leak situation and having two different phone numbers didn’t help either. Luckily for an iMessage being connected to my original number and my email address, I didn’t miss any important messages. But then, something happened which really struck me.

Just a few days before leaving Croatia, I learned that a girl, I’ve been following on social media for years had lost her life in a tragic accident. I didn’t know her personally, just through the internet, but felt really connected to her in many ways. She was a beacon of light in this world and a beautiful person inside-out. At that point, I’ve had enough. I broke down and gave up. Despite all the scenarios listed above, the magnitude of this situation put all of them aside. They were so insignificant, just general inconveniences. I felt sad, powerless, confused, upset, heartbroken and angry. All of these situations were so unimportant, in comparison to what happened to this beautiful young woman who was only 35.

The lesson from this is to stop taking the little inconveniences so seriously. I know they can be annoying, but after all, they are not a big deal and can be somehow resolved. Let’s be grateful for every single day in our lives and for all the amazing people in it. Let’s tell them daily how much we love them and appreciate them. Let’s be more loving and compassionate towards each other, even towards the people we don’t find so easy to connect with. After all, they are also human beings, sometimes confused and scared the same way as we are. Let’s stop making such a big deal of things that don’t really matter and take them more lightly. Let’s invest our precious energy to that which matters the most.


Tired of getting other people’s approval

We all want to be liked and accepted. We all want an occasional acknowledgement that what we are doing is right and we are doing it well. With social media being a big part of our lives these days, some of us measure our worth by the ‘Likes’ and comments we get on these platforms.
I must admit, I sometimes too, find myself checking the ‘Likes’ and comments, to see how are people responding to my sharings.
And here is something very interesting I’ve noticed recently: When I post something very positive, not many people actually respond to it and I can sense they don’t really like the positivity, as strange as this may sound (by like, I don’t only mean pressing the ‘Like’ button). I often sense the energy of resentment towards the positive posts. But that’s okay.
I’m not upset about this, because, I don’t want people ‘liking’ something just for the sake of liking it. And none of this really matters anyway. What I’m referring to is that I feel people would rather criticize others (whether that’s in their mind or publicly) than cheering them up when they are doing well. People are more comfortable in their unhappiness because it’s familiar. Seeing a positive post may actually trigger something within them they are not ready to face.

No, I’m not always positive and inspiring. Who is?

I’m not always positive, but as I’m becoming more and more honest with myself and letting go many old resentments and grudges, I am able to find beauty in others and the jealousy and inferiority are slowly fading away. I’m not going to lie, I used to be quite depressed, for many years I suffered from severe anxiety, I lived in so much fear and this was making me feel miserable, jealous and sometimes even unpleasant to others. And the truth is, I still get triggered by some people. Who doesn’t? But there is a big difference in my life now. I love seeing others succeeding. I love seeing others happy and positive. They are a reflection of my own successful, happy and positive self. When it comes to social media, I deliberately search for positive messages, because they make me feel good, and of course, when I get inspired by something, I want to share it with others too. It’s uplifting, inspiring and can help change someone’s day, even their life. That’s my reason for sharing positive messages around the Cyber-Space. 

Forget about the ‘Likes’ it’s about doing what you love

Your ‘Likes’ on social media do not define you. Focus on you, your life, your loved ones, your priorities. Be yourself, and if you want to post ten times a day on Facebook or Instagram, do so. If someone doesn’t like it, they have a choice of unfriending you or unfollowing you, and this has nothing to do with you. Do what resonates with you and what brings the most joy to your soul. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone, you don’t have to justify anything to anyone. Just be yourself, make mistakes and enjoy the beauty of this life. This is your journey and only you decide what you want to do with it.

I will leave you with this inspiring quote today:

“Stop looking outside for scraps of pleasure and fulfilment, for validation, security, or love -you have a treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.” ~Eckhart Tolle 


Releasing Fear Meditation

This week, I’m excited to share with you my latest meditation. Many of us live in so much fear and scarcity. My own life used to be run by fear and insecurity. I didn’t trust the processes of life to take care of me and I was constantly feeling edgy and uncomfortable. Daily meditation and reconnection with my soul changed things enormously. Check out the meditation below and start releasing fear and everything that is no longer serving you and you are ready to let go of.

Releasing Fear Meditation


Patience, please

Couple of weeks ago, I found myself rushing around my local supermarket. It was a murky day outside and quite cold. I was a bit tired and agitated. I wanted to get my shopping done as quickly as possible and get home. On top of that, so it seemed, everybody decided to be in my way. When I was at the fruit section, it was crowded with people. When I went to pick up my tea, there was a woman, who was indecisive about her tea choice, taking over the entire section. It annoyed me. By then, I began feeling frustrated, exhausted and somehow trapped. Why is everybody in my way today? …I asked myself. Then, I suddenly realised, what I was actually doing. I was attacking innocent people in my mind and making myself feel bad at the same time. I acknowledged my own impatience. I had to take a different approach. I’ve decided to step aside for a couple of minutes and take a few, deep breaths. Deep breathing always centres me back in the moment and makes me realise what really matters. After couple of minutes, everything rearranged and I felt so much better. I reminded myself a beautiful quote by Saint Francis de Sales: ‘Have patience with all things, but, first of all with yourself. I was able to finish my shopping, get home and finally relax on the sofa with a cup of nice tea. Listed bellow, are some ideas I would like to share with you about patience. May they inspire you.

Conscious breathing

When I was stressing out in the supermarket, the breath was my saviour. It centred me back in the moment and made me realise what I was actually doing to myself. Whenever you find yourself being impatient, take a few deep breaths. It will centre you back in the moment and will certainly make you feel better.

Daily moments of stillness

Meditation or moments of stillness on a daily basis, can help us become more calm and patient with ourselves and others. Of course, we are all humans and we all detour into the places we often don’t want to go. My suggestion? Find some quiet moments for yourself every day. When you do, you will create a healthy habit, which will serve you in a great way.

Great things take time

We can often become impatient with ourselves while learning new things. We compare ourselves to others and don’t really acknowledge that everyone is on a different path, has a different learning style and speed. It does not matter, if someone does something quicker than you do. Remember that everything takes time. Be patient with your beautiful self. You are doing the best you can. Honour yourself, praise yourself and be patient. Great things do take time.

Patience with other people = Compassion

As I have mentioned at the beginning, I found myself selfish and impatient with all those people, who were probably (without realising) doing the same to myself. We all wanted to get our shopping done and get home. In the moments like these, take a step back and realise, what you are actually doing. You don’t know the other people, their problems or daily challenges. Let’s be more compassionate towards each other, and this will bring more light into our lives and the lives of others.

Patience is a great teacher

Patience is teaching you calmness, letting go and living in the present moment. Every time you find yourself in a situation when you are feeling impatient, ask yourself: What is this situation trying to teach me? Really listen for an answer. It may come to you instantly or a bit later.

Going with the flow

One of the best advises I have ever been given is to go with the flow. Nothing is in a complete control and everything takes time. Life is full of distractions, inconveniences and disturbances. But it is also full of beauty, amazing people, exciting adventures, love and kindness. Choose to go with the flow, and whatever you are facing right now, deal with it as it comes, in the best and most loving way as you possibly can. By going with the flow, you will release the control and become the best version of yourself possible.

‘Patience is a form of wisdom. It demonstrates that we understand the fact that sometimes things must unfold in their own time’

~ Jon Kabat Zinn