Celebrating 10 years of sobriety

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Yesterday, I celebrated 10 years of sobriety, and I must say, the last decade has been quite a journey.

So where do I begin? 

Since 2010 I’ve been on the path of so much learning, transforming, but also releasing many unhealthy and unhelpful habits. Some of these habits offered me some temporary relief, others were quite harmful and affected my life in many ways. One of them was a temporary alcohol dependency.

I’ve never really opened up about it before, but as I’m celebrating 10 years without alcohol this week, I’ve decided to share part of my story in this post.

In my early twenties suffered from a severe anxiety and panic attacks. During that time I was often turning to alcohol, which temporarily numbed the unpleasant feelings I was feeling. To be honest, I never really liked the taste of alcohol, but at the time, it offered me some relief from anxiety, which was hard to cope with. Unfortunately, with the hangover, in the morning, the feelings of anxiety always deepened, and I was feeling twice as bad. And what did I do to block these ‘twice as bad feelings’? I poured myself another drink.

I got depended on it. It seemed easier to have a drink to ‘fix’ the way I was feeling, then to deal with the unpleasant feelings I was going through on my own. I became trapped. It was getting more and more difficult to let go of the alcohol, and I felt I had to have a drink every single day. I was lost and scared.

You may be asking, at this point, if I sought any help. Yes, I did. But at the same time, I also knew I had to become willing to help myself first.

To cut long story short, after a very painful 4 years of living this way, I stopped drinking alcohol completely. At the beginning, it was hard, because I didn’t have the ‘quick fix’ that would numb my anxiety for a while. I developed other unhelpful habits, which took some time to let go of. I’m still working through some of them. But after about 6 months, the thought of going back to alcohol became irrelevant. I’m pleased to say that I am now 10 years alcohol-free, and my daily battle with anxiety also faded away.

It has been an interesting journey and so much learning came out of this experience. Even though the times were tough, I wouldn’t change them for anything. The whole experience taught me so much about myself, my life and that I can overcome anything, if I’m really determined to do so.

If you are struggling, please do seek a professional help. Please know that you are not alone and you can get through anything. There is so much help out there. All you have to do is get out of your comfort zone and ask.

Jana x 

3 ways to stay motivated

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Recently, I was filling out an important application form, which took me couple of weeks to work on. The application required so much tweaking, adjusting and thinking things through, just to get my answers into the shape I was 100% happy with. I eventually submitted it last Thursday, with a very positive feeling and knowing that I’ve done my best.

And this has inspired today’s post.

When you are working on something, such as filling out an important application form, changing a diet or perhaps writing a book, you need to be disciplined. But having discipline also requires certain amount of motivation. And I know, from my own experience, that motivation is not always there when you need it. Very often, you have to begin, keep going and then you become motivated.

This week, I’d like to share with you my 3 favourite ways to motivate yourself:

1) Plan ahead and keep promises to yourself 

When I was working on the application form, I set the time of the day I’d be working on it. This helped me to stay on track and do certain amount of work every single day. Make an appointments with yourself. Set a reminder on your phone or write it down in your diary. Once it’s written down, don’t postpone it and don’t procrastinate. Keep promises to yourself. Treat it as an important appointment you need to attend. This is about your future. Be disciplined.

2) Have a positive mindset 

I know this can be easier said then done, but staying positive is very important. What often helps me to keep a positive mindset, is looking after myself (drinking enough water, eating nourishing food, keeping promises to myself, as mentioned above, and finding moments of stillness, daily). It energises me and helps me to stay motivated.

3) Keep reminding yourself why you are doing, what you are doing 

Do you want to get to the next level? Do you want to create something better for yourself, because you are currently not happy with your current situation? Do you want a better career or more opportunities? Do you want to feel more content? I’m sure you do. And I know when you are working on changing your life or working towards something, you may not always feel motivated. That’s completely understandable. Try this: When you feel de-motivated, remind yourself why you are doing, what you are doing and simply get on with it, even when you don’t feel like it. Many successful people kept going, because they set their minds to something and kept working towards it. They kept going and then they became successful.

I hope these tips have inspired you. If you have any questions or comments, please don’t hesitate to contact me: jana@mysticbutterfly.co.uk 

Keep well and stay motivated, 
Jana x 

Dealing with situations ‘out of your control’

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Recently, I’ve been dealing with a situation when someone had to sort something out on my behalf. I had no control over it and all I could do was wait. During that time, the communication from the other party was quite poor and I was getting very frustrated with the lack of update. At the end of each week that had passed I kept calling or sending them emails, trying to find out what is going on. I could not see what could be taking them so long. To me, the issue didn’t seem that hard to resolve. I felt they were putting it aside and not treating it as important.

We all have examples in our lives when somebody else has to deal with something on our behalf. They can be some professional people who are, e.g. issuing a contract for our new accommodation or someone responding to our request by email or returning a phone call with an important information. We trust these people and expect them to get back to us ASAP, and if they don’t have any answers yet, at least keep us updated on the progress of the situation. Updating someone makes us and our requests important and more at ease.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that way. We all have certain expectations and if these expectations aren’t fulfilled, we feel disappointed. When you have to keep reminding someone over and over again the same thing, it can feel quite frustrating. If you are someone like me, I’m sure you can relate. When I wait for someone to get back to me, I always think how I would deal with the request. I know, I don’t like to keep people waiting. I respond to them as quickly as I possibly can, making them feel valuable and their requests important. If you are someone like me, and you are an empath, you can easily put yourself into other people’s shoes and understand how frustrating it can feel to wait for a response for ages or being completely ignored. But I also understand, not everyone is an empath or has a similar outlook on life. I know I can’t compare everyone to myself or to the people on my wave length. That’s something I’m learning to accept more and more.

But let’s go back to the situation I’ve described above. In the end, I’ve decided to let go. I’ve cut an invisible cord (in my mind) between myself and the institution, and made a peace with them getting back to me when they were ready. As soon as I’ve done so, things begin to speed up and the situation got sorted out very soon.

I’d like you to understand that if something like this occurs in your life, first of all, it isn’t your fault. It’s simply someone else’s failing. People know exactly what to do. Unfortunately, not everyone is doing their job properly or taking it seriously. There are all sorts of people in the world. Some people go to their jobs very de-motivated and only deal with what they really have to on the day. Most of the people are unwilling to put themselves into someone else’s shoes and understand how they may feel.

I’ve learned to accept that I have no control over other people’s actions at all. What I have control over, however, is how I view and respond to the situations I’m presented with. The important thing is I know who I am and how I would deal with similar situations and how would my actions make other people feel.

How do I relax?

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Do you find challenging to switch off and just relax? Do you find it difficult, because your mind is always wandering from one place to another?

I must admit, I sometimes have a problem in this area. And this is mainly because I love what I do. I love inspiring people by writing, teaching and always thinking about the next thing I could create. But I’m also a recovering over-thinker, and I sometimes still over-analyse every single detail of everything. I don’t always find so easy to switch off and take time off. At the same time, I understand how important it is to take that time off and how I feel after I do.

When I get out of the busyness and finally slow down and eventually relax, I feel lighter and I feel I can see more clearly and breathe more easily. I feel as if so much weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel at peace with myself and the world that surrounds me.

In a few days, 15th August, is a National Relaxation Day, and this has inspired today’s post, where I’d like to emphasise how important it is to reserve some time for relaxation, whenever’s possible. I’d like to share with you a few relaxation techniques I find helpful.

1) Just Be

I know this can be easier said than done, but see if you can give it a go. Once a day, whenever you find a moment, take some time out and simply be. Do nothing. Just look out of the window for a few minutes and just be. Notice what is going on outside and be present in the moment. I love this little exercise. It always help me clear my mind of any unwanted thoughts and makes me relaxed.

2) Zone Out

What kind of music do you like? Zone out by putting on your favourite tune. This is very therapeutic and incredibly relaxing. So next time, when you need some time out, plug-in, close your eyes and listen to your favourite music, even if it’s only for a few minutes.

3) Breathe Deeply

When we are busy or stressed out, we forget to breathe properly. Breathing correctly is so important and very powerful. Try this: pause several times a day and close your eyes. Then, take a long, conscious breath and breathe out (slowly and deeply). Repeat this for about 3-5 rounds, then open your eyes and notice how you feel. I find this exercise very empowering and extremely relaxing.

I hope these few tips have inspired you. 
Jana x 

Are you a past traveller?

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Your past does not define you. The mistakes you’ve made in the past do not define who you are. You are not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, not even ten minutes ago. Neither your past experiences define you. They are just your teachers on this journey called life. You are always learning, growing, expanding and that’s the beauty of life.

I’d like to ask you a question: ‘Are you a frequent past traveller?’

In my first book, Mystic Butterfly – a guide to your true self, I have a section in one of the chapters, where I ask my readers, whether they’d consider themselves to be a frequent past travellers or a future travellers? I ask this question, so they can begin to notice, where their mind wanders the most: the past or the future? And this is not a place for judgment, no matter what the answer is. It is simply to acknowledge, where they currently are.

Today, I’d like to focus on past travelling. So, if you are one of the people who often travels back to the past, carry on reading. This post is for you.

So many people travel back to the past. Travelling back to the past isn’t necessarily a bad thing, if you are thinking about some great memories and also about the lessons you’ve learned from your past experiences. However, travelling back to the past, on a frequent basis, can become a problem when you are visiting some painful experiences over and over again, when you are resenting them and they may still be controlling your life.

If you have ever been in therapy, you know that talking about past can feel painful at first, but going deeper and recognising what triggers you, while working through your past experiences, can be very healing and transformational. That’s why therapy is so helpful.

I am a recovering past traveller, a very frequent one. I still travel back to the past, of course, but when I do, I quickly realise, that past is a place of reference and not a place of residence. When I de-tour back to the past, I know I need to go home, I need to go back to the present, because that’s the only place where the true life exists.

Coming back from the past to the present isn’t always easy, but when you keep practising, it becomes easier. I have a useful technique, which never lets me know and I’d suggest you give it a go.

Whenever you notice your mind wandering back to some unpleasant past memory, take a deep breath and breathe out. Then, ask yourself: ‘Where am I?’ Then, respond to that question: ‘I am right here in this moment. This is where my power lies. This is where I make the choice what I want to give my energy to. I choose to stay in the present.’  This exercise will allow you to re-connect with the present moment.

And here is one more: Meditation. Meditation allows you to deeply connect with the present moment- the only place where the true life exists. If you are new to meditation and would like learn more about it, check out this page on my website: https://www.mysticbutterfly.co.uk/meditation/  You’ll find there a step-by-step process how to meditate. There are also many of my guided meditations. Sit back, relax and let my voice be your guide.

I hope this post has inspired you and these two techniques will help you.

With love, 

Jana x 

3 reasons why ballet is amazing

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One of my favourite interests in life is ballet dancing. I’ve been taking ballet lessons as a child, and returned back to it again as an adult a few years ago. Taking ballet classes brought so many incredible benefits into my life (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual).

These days I miss being in the ballet studio, but ever since the global pandemic hit, I’ve been ‘religiously’ attending ballet classes on Zoom every Thursday. Of course, this feels slightly different, compared to the studio classes, but the benefits I’ve been receiving have been equally wonderful.

Ballet teaches you so many things. It teaches you discipline, it helps your body posture, it teaches you to be fully focused and present in the moment, and it also teaches you be more patient with yourself, while learning and mastering new moves and techniques.

Today, I would like to talk about some of these benefits and I’ve picked three I’d like to focus on. And this doesn’t mean you only have to take ballet lessons to experience similar benefits. Absolutely not. You can choose any activity you like, which can help you feel great and it’s good for your mind, body and soul. And as a bonus, the benefits described below, can also help you create a healthy mind-set for achieving your goals.

1) Ballet teaches you to more present

When you are ballet dancing you have to be fully present and focused on what you are doing. The ballet moves require your full focus and participation. If you find your mind wandering, you can get easily lost and suddenly you are not keeping up with the music and the rest of the class. You have to be fully present in the moment. I find this extremely helpful, because my mind is very busy most of the time. When I’m in the class, however, I leave my worries and daily concerns aside, and fully focus on what I’m asked to do by my teacher, so I can experience the full benefits of the class.

2) Ballet teaches you to be more patient with yourself

Being patient in ballet is very important. You have to practise, practise, practise, and then practise some more to master the dance moves. This can be a hard work. It is in ballet I learned to be more patient with myself and stopped comparing myself to others. I stopped being so hard on myself and I accepted, that if I want to get better at it, I need to be more patient with myself while maintaining  a regular practice, which is extremely important.

3) Ballet teaches you to be disciplined

Another great thing I learned from my ballet lessons and ballet teachers is to be disciplined. As I mentioned above, you have to be patient with yourself, but that patience needs to be also supported by discipline. To be able to accomplish any dream, you have to have discipline. You have to practise regularly, you have to believe in yourself and you have to drop the excuses. When any obstacles arise, you take a deep breath and you keep practising.

So whether you choose ballet or any other physical activity, I hope you enjoy it, I hope it will make you feel good and it will bring many benefits into your life, including building a healthy mind-set for achieving your goals in life.

I wrote a children’s book

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I hope you are all keeping well. After a couple of weeks off from blogging, I’m back and I have some exciting news for you!

Last week, I shared throughout my social media, that I wrote my first children’s book. The book is called, Aerin and a Troll, and it’s coming out 16th August 2020.

Aerin and a Troll it’s an educational story for 6-9 years olds, but I believe even older kids and adults may enjoy it (you can read the synopsis below).

The book has been illustrated by my talented collaborator, Zoe Jordan, who has translated my story to a beautiful illustrations. Thank you, Zoe. I would also like to thank my lovely editor, Ellie Stevenson, for her wonderful editing work. I worked with Ellie on a number of occasions and it’s always been a pleasure. And last, but certainly not least, another huge thank you goes to Jane Dixon Smith, from JDSmith Design, for her amazing cover and interior design. I’ve also worked with Jane previously and she is always a joy to work with.

I’m very pleased to say the book is now available for a pre-order on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Kobo and other online stores where books are being sold.

I hope your children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, your friends’s children and all the children (but also adults) who will read it, will enjoy it.

AERIN AND A TROLL SYNOPSIS:

Aerin was a beautiful and mysterious young woman. She lived in a small cottage at the edge of the woods. She was well known for her big heart and her kind nature. Some called her a good witch and often sought her assistance when they needed help.

One sunny, spring morning, Aerin took a walk to the woods. As she walked she heard an urgent scream for help in the distance. It was coming from a nearby cave she often passed. This is how she met Ymer, a large troll. He was injured. Aerin helped him heal his injured ankle, by using her magic powers.

The troll was very grateful and asked her what he could do for her in return. She had one request. This request created a special bond between the people in her village and the trolls.

Summer break

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At the beginning of the year, my family and I, started thinking about our 2020 summer holiday. We’ve agreed it would be great to go back to Croatia. We had a great time there last year. The people were very welcoming, the food was fantastic and the country is so beautiful.

We’ve been looking for while where to stay. We wanted to explore a different part of Croatia this time, so it took us a little while to do our search. But as we were getting closer to finalising and booking our trip, the world has been hit by the news of the global pandemic. Suddenly, there were other things think about and so many worries on our minds. We kept our holiday search aside.

A lot has happened since then, and the summer holiday break didn’t even crossed my mind, needless to say travelling anywhere. However, in the last few days, my boyfriend and I, have decided we’d love get together with the family for a few weeks, if possible of course, and also start exploring some new parts of the UK. That’s the current plan, which we’ll hopefully put into reality.

I’m so ready for a nice break, especially from this constant worrying, which doesn’t seem to be going away. I need to recharge, rejuvenate and zone out a bit. I’m also taking a little break from blogging for a few weeks.

If you are a Mystic Butterfly subscriber, my newsletter will be back in your inbox on 21st July. If you are not, and would like to become one, you can subscribe here: https://www.mysticbutterfly.co.uk In my newsletter, I share a weekly updates, news and helpful inspirational tools. I hope you can join us.

And if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me: jana@mysticbutterfly.co.uk

Until then, enjoy the Summer, stay safe and well,
Jana x 

An open forgiveness letter to myself & others

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Ever since this COVID-19 crisis I’ve been noticing that people are getting easily triggered by each other. I feel that this mostly springs from all the uncertainty floating around, being surrounded by scary news and not knowing what’s around the corner. We are getting easily triggered by people on the internet, but also by people in the shops and in the streets (this is my observation). These triggers may come in a form of anger, resentment, judgement, comparison, misunderstandings….the list can go on.

I too have been getting triggered, more than ever lately. But last week, I had an idea which offered me some relief and helped me to released many unpleasant thoughts. I’ve decided to write an open forgiveness letter to myself and others. Writing this letter helped me feel lighter, it brought some clarity into my life, and it helped me understand, just a little, other people’s perspectives.

I’d like to share this letter with you today, with a hope, that it can perhaps inspire you to write your own. And of course, you don’t have to share your letter with anyone. It is only for you. I’m only sharing mine with you as an example.

Here it is:

An open forgiveness letter to myself and others, 

I forgive myself for not reaching out to my friends, when we all seemed to struggle and tried to navigate through the new normal, but I also forgive you, dear friends, for not reaching out to me when I needed you most. I forgive myself for judging others in my mind, while I was angry at the whole world and felt so lost and scared, but I also forgive others when I had a feeling they were doing the same to me. 

I forgive myself for giving others the impression that I was uncaring and selfish, but I also forgive them for giving that impression to me too. I forgive myself for making assumptions about others in my mind, but I also forgive them for making assumptions in their minds about me. 

I forgive myself for pretending to be strong when I felt unhappy, tired and sad, but I also forgive others for giving that impression to me, which made me compare myself to them and thinking that I’m a failure. I forgive myself for acting out of my unresolved traumas, but I also forgive others for acting out of their unresolved traumas too. 

I forgive myself for not being loving and compassionate towards myself, when I was struggling the most, but I also forgive others for not liking me, when I felt so alone, unappreciated and wanted to be acknowledged. I forgive myself for not supporting others when they needed me, but I also forgive them for not supporting me when I needed them. 

I forgive myself for not contacting some of my friends in the moments of this global crisis when I felt lost and uneasy, but I also forgive them for not contacting me too. I forgive myself for not being honest with myself and others when my world was falling apart, but I also forgive others for being dishonest too.

I forgive myself for being scared to speak my truth when I should’ve done, but I also forgive others for not speaking their truth too. I forgive myself for hurting others by the words I haven’t chosen carefully, but I also forgive them for unwittingly hurting me with their words too.

I forgive myself for sharing content with people, just because I wanted to be seen, but I also forgive them for posting content just because they wanted attention. I forgive myself for all the unwise choices I’ve made that might have affected others, but I also forgive others for the unwise choices they have made that have affected me. 

And finally, I forgive myself for being unkind to myself. I forgive myself for feeding my body unhealthy food. I forgive myself for spending too much time on my phone. I forgive myself for not exercising enough. I forgive myself for being too stuck in my head when all I needed was to go outside and breathe. I forgive myself for all that I have done to myself in these moments of uncertainty, when I felt unhappy and I suffered so much. And please, forgive yourself for that too. For these are all human emotions, reactions and all of them are perfectly natural, especially when we go through something challenging. 

I honour myself and my journey, and I honour yourself and your journey too. 

I forgive myself and I forgive you too. 

With love, 

Jana x 

Five simple ways to feel more joyful (PDF)

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Our world has changed a lot in the last few months. The global crisis brought a lot of uncertainty into our daily lives and the normal way of living has changed practically overnight. We all have many questions and wonder: ‘How are we going to get back up?’ 

So much damage has been done, in so many areas of our lives, and it is perfectly understandable, that many of us, lost our zest for life. Therefore, I’ve decided to put together a few thoughts to help us find that zest, and to start feeling more joyful again. 

My hope and my intention for you, is to feel better, motivated again and find something positive in every single day.

You can download the PDF here: Five simple ways to feel more joyful

Stay safe and well,

Jana x