Last week, I taught a class about the art of living in your truth. My students and I were discussing how much our deeply rooted limiting beliefs, often acquired in childhood, can still control our adult lives. We accepted many labels, which unfortunately, became part of our identity. As we journey through life, we get so used to denying our truth and many of us become ashamed of our vulnerability. We want to look good in the eyes of others, so we pretend. Nicole Lyons said: ‘The deepest pain I ever felt was denying my own feelings to make everyone else comfortable.’ I can’t agree more. I have been there far too many times and these words are speaking to me directly, as I’m working through some deeply rooted wounds myself these days. Denying our truth can bring many dark thoughts and emotions up to the surface. You deserve to feel good and you deserve to start experiencing a beautiful transformation and healing. I would like to share with you couple of ways how I deal with these kind of thoughts and emotions. These tips are serving me well and I believe they can inspire you.
The beauty of acceptance
I used to suffer from anxiety. I wasn’t anxious just once in a while or had an occasional panic attack. The kind of anxiety I experienced, wasn’t going away and was with me 24/7. The only time I wasn’t aware of it, was when I was asleep. After about 4 years of trying just about everything to heal myself, I learnt to live with it. I made a choice of accepting it. Little did I know at the time, this was my saviour and the catalyst of an amazing change. What I discovered, was accepting and co-operating with the dark thoughts I was experiencing, instead of pushing them away began to liberate me. Slowly, but surely I began experiencing a fleeting moments of joy coming into my life. I started noticing beauty around me, by being more engaged in the present moment. I began acknowledging and being grateful for any good moment in my life, despite my thoughts and emotions being unpleasant 95% of the time. Whether I experienced just a five minutes of peace, I was thankful. If that was all I had that day, I was okay with it. In time, minutes became hours, hours became days. I remember so clearly, when I could say: ‘Today was a good day.’ I will always remember and treasure that moment. Resisting dark thoughts didn’t help. When I was fighting them, it felt like I was fighting part of myself. On the contrary, accepting them and opening my heart and mind to focus on the good around me worked beautifully. Appreciate the moments when you are happy, no matter how brief they may be. What you focus on, always expands. During the darkest times of my life, I learnt the beauty of acceptance. Every time I have an unpleasant thoughts, I don’t try to fight them or quickly fix them, instead, I accept them and go with the flow. Then, I focus on what I’m thankful for and watch my energy shift.
When suppressed emotions come up to the surface
I don’t like complaining. I often deal with any unpleasant emotions on my own. This is what we introverts do. But, ever since I stepped on the path of healing my past wounds I learnt, that sharing with others how I feel, instead of pretending that all is okay, can be incredibly therapeutic. Many of us suppress our emotions. When I used to deal with an anxiety attacks, I became very good at hiding my feelings, especially in front of my work colleagues or at any public gatherings. At the time, I didn’t realise, how much damage I was actually causing to my entire being. Then one day, somebody made a comment, which probably didn’t seem like a big deal to the person or any external observer, but hurt me so deeply, I bursted into tears. This is what suppressed emotions did to me. We suppress and pretend, and then one day somebody says something and we break down.
How I deal with suppressed emotions
Many of us suppress emotions with distractions such as alcohol, over-working, needy relationships, drugs, social media or hiding behind false masks. I decided not to do that to myself anymore. Instead, I feel my emotions. I feel what’s coming up for me and talk to the emotion. I ask: ‘What are you trying to tell me? What are you trying to teach me? What am I unwilling to let go of?’ I also write. Writing is extremely therapeutic and can help you release many unpleasant feelings. Express yourself on a page of your diary. It’s yours and you can tell it exactly how you feel, without editing yourself. Another way I deal with my emotions is by meditating. I sit with my feelings, observe what is going on and I do this without judgement. If you are new to meditation and would like to find out more, I dedicated a whole page of my website to it: https://www.mysticbutterfly.co.uk/meditation/ I also strongly suggest to speak to someone. Talk to a close friend and share how you feel. If you feel like your emotions are getting out of control, please talk to a professional. I used to see a fantastic counsellor. She was extremely supportive and helped me to work through many of my issues. After every session I felt an incredible relief.
Be gentle with yourself
Only you can decide, whether you want to be holding on to the darkness or you are willing to rise above it and finally let it go. When you begin, don’t be hard on yourself and expect things to change overnight. It took you a while to gather all these unpleasant emotions, so it won’t take one day to let them all ago. It is okay to be vulnerable. That is where your strength lies. Be patient with yourself and most importantly, accept yourself for who you are. That is the first step to start living a better life and experience transformation and healing.