I am an introvert. When I say this to people, I often surprise them. But it is true. I am an introvert who expresses herself as an extrovert. Over the years, I learnt how to be confident and speak up for myself, although it doesn’t come naturally to me. When I was growing up I had a very rich inner world. Most of the time I was living in my mind and I had a very vivid imagination. Luckily I brought this imagination to my adult life as well. I have always been very creative and inspired by everything and everyone. When I saw a beautiful tree for example, I could instantly write a poem, a song or an essay about its beauty. This has shaped my world. But when it came to talking to others, I was scared, shy and very uncomfortable. At school, when the teacher asked a question, I was afraid to raise my hand. I often knew the right answer, but just to prevent an embarrassing moment in case it wasn’t the right one I stayed quiet. I didn’t have many friends at the time. When somebody wanted to be friends with me, I was over the moon. When I finally made some friends, I wanted to be a good friend to them. Therefore I would do anything to keep them in my life. This included saying yes when I meant no. At the early age I learned a negative habit of putting other people’s needs before my own. I would go out of my way to make other people happy, but sadly on my account. Many knew my weakness and often took advantage of it. I brought this habit with me to my adult life, so people would continue to like me. It took me years to actually start getting comfortable saying no to others, when I actually wanted to say no. I never wanted to upset anyone, so it was extremely tough for me. It was making me feel uncomfortable every time, and it still does occasionally. But it did become easier now, because I am older, wiser and I clearly state what I want. Are you, like I used to be? Do you often say yes, when you mean no, just to be nice? Take a deep breath and carry on reading.
When to say ‘No’
Bellow are some important questions worth asking yourself before giving a positive or a negative response:
How do I feel about this?
What is my intuition telling me?
Does this interfere with my own schedule?
Do I have time to do this?
Am I only saying yes, so this person will continue to like me?
Do I really want to say yes?
Am I saying yes, so I don’t upset this person?
Remember, when you say no to someone, you don’t have to justify your response. You don’t need to explain anything to anybody. Just be polite and assertive. Remember that ‘No’ is also a complete sentence. If you are saying ‘Yes’ to someone just to be nice, please don’t. The person will also feel energetically, that you are not so keen of saying yes. They will know you are doing it only because you think you have to. Stay true to yourself and to others. There may also be many situations in life, where you are not so sure right away whether you want to say yes or no. If such a scenario occurs, just tell the other person, that you will think about it, and will get back to them as soon as it’s convenient. We are currently living in a very fast moving world. We often expect an instant response to a text message, to an email or in person. Take your time and think about what you really want to do and what is important to you. This is your life and only you decide what you want to do with it. Nobody can pressure you to do something you don’t want to do, so please don’t feel you have to.
Saying no can be very hard sometimes. We don’t want to upset or disappoint people. I completely understand that. Stay true to yourself and only say yes, when you really mean it. And when you say no, be polite, but unapologetic about it.