Last week we’ve talked about disappointment and how to deal with it. This week, I would like to stay on a similar note. A quite few people in my circle of friends are currently facing challenges with breakups and disappointments, so I thought it would be beneficial to stay on this topic for a bit longer. Breakups are never easy, but they are certainly something you can get over. I have a four useful tips which may inspire you.
1. Feel the feelings
We’ve all heard people saying: “Get yourself together! You will be fine! Stop feeling sorry for yourself! He/She wasn’t the right person for you anyway!” Although these words can be empowering, they can also make us even more upset and sometimes angry. A spiritual way of looking at breakup would be allowing yourself to feel, the way you are feeling in the current moment. I believe: “When you feel it, you can heal it!” Don’t try to push the unpleasant emotions away, instead feel them fully. Feel them within the whole level of your being. If you want to cry, then do so. Emotional release can be very cleansing and healing. If you want to scream, do that. When I’m upset about something I often go to the woods or somewhere I can be alone. There, I scream out loud my frustration. I always feel so much better afterwards. I allow the negative emotions to pass through me, and then I let them go. Some people take a longer time to heal from break up than others. Don’t compare yourself to anybody else. You are allowed to feel the way you are feeling right now. Don’t be hard on yourself, instead be compassionate towards yourself.
2. It’s a lesson
Ask yourself: “What can I learn from this situation?” Have you ever noticed repeating certain patterns in your relationships? Breakup can give you an opportunity to notice and explore the repetitive mistakes. For example: being too needy, too giving, too clingy, even forgetting about yourself and your hobbies when you are in a relationship… Try to identify an unhelpful patterns in your relationships and become more aware of them. Ask yourself: “How can I see this differently? How can I do things differently next time?” Listen to your intuitive voice for any direction. Notice any visions and feelings coming forward. Becoming aware of your old patterns in a relationships can be a very healing transformation.
3. A quick jump into a new relationship is not a solution
Although some people may be ready to start a new relationship straight away, I believe it is not a solution. People have a tendency to always be with somebody, to have the other half they can rely on. As this seem very comforting and beautiful, starting a relationship because you have just broken up with someone and don’t want to be alone can be the wrong thing to do. Frankly, it is not fair towards your new partner either. Some people are just too scared to be on their own for a while. I believe otherwise. Give yourself a chance to heal any emotional wounds you might be currently experiencing. Find out what makes you happy, carry on with the project you’ve left behind, take the dance lessons you’ve always wanted to take or travel the world. Focus on yourself and the things that bring you joy. And this leads me to the last suggestion.
4. Get to know yourself better
Breakup gives you an opportunity to get to know yourself better. Maybe you have been neglecting yourself because your focus was always on your relationship. Many people make this mistake. I admit, I used to fall into this category. We should all remember to take care of ourselves first. When we are happy and fulfilled inward, then we can share our happiness with others too. When you break up with someone, see it as an opportunity to get to know yourself better and start learning how to put yourself first. It is not selfish, it’s self-love! I have written a blog about self love which you may find helpful. You can read it here: https://www.mysticbutterfly.co.uk/not-selfish-self-love/
A thought to keep!
“Worry less, smile more! Don’t regret, just learn and grow!”