When I was a child, I didn’t have many friends. I was more of a loner, a quiet child with the rich inner world and a vivid imagination. This has shaped my world. It all changed when I moved to England in 2003. I began travelling a lot, met so many people and made friends around the entire world. I believe some of those friendships created a lifetime bonds and I am very grateful for them. These days we all make new friends through the social media. I have to say, I’ve met many fantastic people this way too.
Life & friendships
In this blog I would like to talk to you about friendships. I want to give you my point of view on recognising true friendships from the fake, and when to let go and move away from certain people. Being on a spiritual path always reveals some incredible secrets to us. But most importantly, it sharpens our intuition, which doesn’t only allow us to see the big picture of the life in general, but it also helps us easily pick on vibes from others. What is intuition? Intuition is the link between our physical side and our soul. It is that quiet voice, which whisper to us all day long. Some call it a gut feeling. It tells us many amazing things we need to know. It sends us signs, presenting us with synchronicities, but also warnings messages. I am sure you all had a feeling that someone shouldn’t be trusted, only to find out later that you were right. That was a message from your soul. Having a healthy friendships is an incredible gift. So how do we recognise the real ones? Listed bellow are couple of suggestions I would like to discuss with you.
A few important points
But before I start, I want to point few things out. First, this is not to blame or point my finger at anyone. We are all on a different stages on this journey called life. We are all learning and growing from our experiences, our mistakes etc. This post is to create an awareness about our own energy, and learn to be in charge of it without blaming others. Secondly, if you see yourself in anything listed bellow, forgive yourself. Who you really are is a beautiful soul full of love and light. You may currently be going through something, which is making you act and present yourself that way. These blocks can be released, so your beautiful true self can come forward. I must admit, that years ago I could fall almost into all of these categories. And I also believe, that sometimes we all unintentionally detour there again for a moment or two. I would like you to remember this powerful quote from Terrence:
“I am a human; nothing human can be alien to me.”
So, if you are curious, carry on reading.
Notice how you feel around certain people
How do you feel around certain people? Do you feel uneasy or happy in their presence? When you organise to meet up with someone, are you excited to go to see this friend, or are you dreading to meet up and only want to show up to be nice? Be really honest with yourself. I talk about this, because I’ve been there far too many times. I was a people pleaser, because I wanted to have friends and people to like me. I’m pleased to say, I’m over that one. Notice how you feel around certain people. If you feel any kind of discomfort, don’t ignore it. Your feelings never lie. Trust them.
Energy vampires
Do you have friends, who constantly complain, are always negative, unhappy and it doesn’t matter what you say to them, they just turn everything into negativity? Do you feel exhausted just getting off the phone with them and wondering why? Some call these people an energy vampires. This is not to blame them. What’s actually happening is that these people might have been through some bad experiences, which set them on the bad vibe and now, they are trapped. This is not to make a victim of them. I believe, they need to realise, that something has to change within them. The question is, do you want to keep listening to these complains all the time? It does not matter how much you are trying to help, after a while the complaining becomes annoying. You can simply be assertive and say this: ‘I really care about you and want you to be happy, but let me be honest with you. When you complain and blame others for the problems in your life, it’s actually draining. I know we have been friends for a long time, but I am actually tired of hearing the same stories over and over again. I believe, we should all take responsibility for what is happening in our lives and maybe it’s time for you to really re-evalute what has been happening all these years.’ Don’t think you are being harsh towards your friend. You are just being honest and expressing how you feel. Years ago, I used to be a similar kind of victim. One of my friends, really had an assertive chat with me and it changed my life forever. Of course, to the better, as I finally took the responsibility for everything.
Advantage takers
Some people take advantage of other people’s kindness and nicety. Don’t fall into that trap. Protect yourself from their energy and close the door behind them. You want to spend time with people who are making you happy and radiate on the same frequency, not somebody who only calls when they need something from you. How do you recognise these folks? Simply. Do you get good or a bad feeling when they ask you about something?
Jealous friends
Notice how people react when you achieve something and you are flying high. Watch their reactions. Are they genuinely happy for you and are celebrating your success? Or are they quietly jealous, secretly wishing it was them who got that promotion or a degree? Just notice and trust your feelings.
Pretenders
Pretenders are the kind of fake friends who stick around, smile to your face, but talk about you behind your back. I have experienced so many of those in my life and some of them are still around, but I am fully aware of them and watching them closely.
A thought to keep
All of those people don’t need our judgement, but rather our compassion. Clearly, they are either not on the same frequency as we are, or they are just purely unhappy people. Please remember, it is okay to have outgrown some friends. Some of these friendships might have been great when you were in your twenties, but now you are older, you have different priorities, different goals and unfortunately your energies no longer match. Letting go of friendships that no longer serve you doesn’t have to be a painful process. It can be done with love, understanding and respect by wishing each other well. Life is an incredible gift and you want to spend it with those who matter and you feel good around.
One great way to let some former friendships go, is to write them a letter. This letter is not to for you to send them, but for your own healing, your own closure. I have written an article, where I talk about a letter, I wrote to the people that have hurt me. It may inspire you: https://www.mysticbutterfly.co.uk/letter-people-hurt