Give yourself more credit

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Last Tuesday I was busy running errands, straight after a long haul flight I got off the same morning. I had a full day ahead of me and because I was heading to Slovakia the following morning, I needed to get quite a few things done on that day despite my tiredness. To make my day go as smooth as possible, I’ve decided to approach everything with a positive attitude and to talk to myself in positive and a kind way. I’ve made a commitment that I will praise myself for every little thing I checked off my list. Making this decision made a huge difference to my day, to my feelings and the experiences I was getting back as a result.
I was proud of myself. I remembered the days how would Jana deal with similar situations in the past, whether she was tired or jet-lagged or not. She would be stressed out and her controlling attitude would be getting in a way of everything. She would be angry with the road traffic, the people in her way, for queuing at the coffee shop and upset with the crashing internet when she was trying to send a quick email on the go.
Reminding myself of my past self made me realise how far I’ve come and how differently I deal with things now. Then, I praised myself even more.
My energy shifted and I was able to run my errands effortlessly, with a positive attitude, calmness and ease.
And how about you? Do you try to control everything and everyone around you? Do small things stress you out? Do you get easily angry when working under pressure? If so, give yourself more credit. Praise yourself in every opportunity you get. Talk to yourself in a kind way. Be loving and respectful towards yourself. If you have a lot to do and not sure where to begin, pause for a moment, take a deep breath and ask yourself, what is the easiest thing I can cross off my list first? Then do it and carry on with the others. Be gentle with yourself. After all, you are the most important person in your own life and you deserve love and respect that you would give to others.

Have courage, my friend

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Recently, one of my private coaching clients (who gave me a permission to use his example in this post) has landed an incredible career opportunity. I’ve been watching his personal growth and development for several months, and his progress has been a joy to be part of. He has worked so hard to get this job and got so excited when the final decision has been made that has got the position. Eager to take his career to the next level, he started planning all that was necessary. But there was one last challenge he had to face: to hand his notice to his present employer. The thought of this made him feel very edgy, uncomfortable and agitated. He has been working for the company for over a decade and a half. Also, the idea of leaving a secure job, starting from scratch again, wasn’t suddenly as appealing as when he received the good news about getting the new job.

Handing a notice is never a pleasant situation to deal with. It often involves hard feelings and discomfort. The day before handing his notice I received a phone call from him. He said that he is feeling very nervous about approaching his current manager and he is not sure if he can do this. I advised him that this is completely normal and I helped him to centre back to the present moment by encouraging him to take a few, deep breaths. Then, we could carry on with our conversation.

I reminded him how much work he has done on himself up to this point and how proud I was of him. When I started coaching him, one of the things he wanted to work on was to take steps towards changing his career. At his current job, he felt demotivated, unappreciated, always going the extra mile, but never feeling valued or acknowledged for his great work and efforts. However, when something went wrong, his manager would call him to the office almost immediately to see what’s going on. (I want to point out here that the latter happened very rarely).

My client was very worried how his manager is going to react to the news about handing his notice. I encouraged him to do what he does best, to be his beautiful self and to stand in his power. I also reminded him to always put himself first, something he has rarely done for himself for all these years in this company. Now is the time to finally embrace everything he had worked so hard for and claim it fully. He began feeling better and said to me, that’s exactly what he is going to do. He got so caught up in the circle of worry how his notice is going be received and completely forgot why he is actually leaving the company in the first place. Sometimes we how to remind ourselves all the reasons why we are doing what we are doing before we take the big step to make a change. The excuses and thoughts such as: ‘It wasn’t that bad after all’, ‘I should maybe give it another year’, ‘I should just stay put and see what happens’ will be entering our minds. This is perfectly normal.

To cut long story short, my client has successfully handed his notice. They were some hard feelings involved and the manager has tried to change his mind and acknowledged him for his hard work in the end, but it was too late. Now he feels that so much weight has been lifted off his shoulders and he is finally ready to start a new venture he worked so hard for and he truly deserves.

The moral of this story is to always put yourself first, to always follow your dreams and to listen to your inner wisdom. When you feel like you need to do something, change something, be somewhere else or let go of something, it’s time to act and explore new venues and think of new options. You can absolutely face any challenge you face if you have the willingness to put in some work and step out of your comfort zone. Have courage, my friend.

Universal signs

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A couple of weeks I was on a trip in Montreal. One morning, while there, I visited one of the local coffee shops for breakfast. Something was going on in my life in that particular week and it was keeping my mind pre-occupied, and to be honest, a bit worried. As soon as I walked in, I’ve noticed the energy of the place vibrating on a very high frequency. What do I mean by that? The people working there were singing, smiling, laughing and being generally in a fantastic mood. The music playing in the background reflected the good vibes of the place. It was such a joy to watch these young people worked together as a team. Their beautiful energy was definitely drawing people in.

Almost immediately, I started feeling better and more at peace. When someone smiles at you and asks you, in a very genuine way, how you are, especially in the moments when your mind is elsewhere and worried, you feel that there is love, care and support around you. And that day, I felt exactly that. Watching this energetic group of people working so beautifully and effortlessly together, enjoying their job and making everyone around happy, shifted my perspective on things.

I suddenly felt that everything is going to be okay. I wasn’t as overwhelmed as earlier that morning and I started looking at the situation I was going through differently. I trusted, that I was intuitively lead to visit this particular coffee shop to feel better. For me, it was just another sign from the Universe, the angels and my spiritual guides, that all is well and there is nothing to worry about. The more peace set into my subconscious, the more I was able to notice other signs that grounded to the moment I was in and enabled me to leave my worries aside.

I believe that there is so much guidance around us and this guidance often comes through people, situations, random blessings and also many other seen and unseen forces. It’s just up to us whether we are open to these signs or not. I fully understand that when we have so much going on, it is almost impossible to quiet our minds and truly align to the moment we are in. But it is in the moments of worry, fear or chaos that we need it most. Then, we will open to door to the unlimited help and guidance that is available to us all without question.

Do you worry what other people think of you?

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One of the best things I’ve ever decided to give up is the worry what other people think of me. This can be a many-year process (and I’m still in it), but when you begin you will start feeling lighter and more at peace. We give other people so much space in our minds, a space that we could easily use for ourselves, our creativity, our dreams and something way more meaningful. Over the years, I’ve realised that the most important thing is to know who I am, and the way other people perceive me has nothing to do with me. Instead, it has everything to do with them and with the way they perceive the world.

We all have different experiences, beliefs, upbringing and all of that has a huge impact on how we see others, how judgmental or non-judgmental we become. We are all greatly affected by our early conditioning. This early conditioning gave us a platform from which we are building our lives brick by brick. We get influenced by other people’s opinions and their beliefs, and even without realising we adopt them so strongly, and the most repeated ones become facts for us. These so-called facts might have been something that was only an opinion of one person, but by repetition, it got so deeply-rooted within our subconscious, it became unquestionable. That’s how beliefs get formed and from that perspective, we often view the rest of the world and everyone in it.

Do you worry, what other people think of you?

If you are a natural worrier, like me, take a deep breath. The natural worrying is also a result of your early conditioning. The good news is, you can make a decision today to start looking at it from a different perspective. I’m not going to tell you to just stop worrying what others think of you. This doesn’t happen overnight and it can be a long process.

What I’m going to suggest, however, is to ask yourself these few questions: ‘Does it really matter what this person thinks of me? Why do I care so much about this person’s opinion? Is he/she someone very important in my life? Is their opinion going to benefit me in some way (although it might if they give you some useful, developmental feedback)? 

The next thing I’m going to suggest is practising self-love and respect. When we have love and respect towards ourselves, we know who we are and the other people’s opinions don’t matter as such. I’ve written quite a lot on these topics, so feel free to visit my website and check out my blog posts: https://www.mysticbutterfly.co.uk/blog/ And you don’t necessarily have to read those. There are so many resources on the internet these days where you can find so much about self-love, healing and self-respect. Take some time to do your research and give yourself all the love and respect you deserve.

And here is the fact:

Not everyone is going to like you. And you know what? That’s okay. You shouldn’t even try to accomplish that. I used to be a people pleaser and it was such a waste of energy. Live your own life, focus on what matters to you and invest your precious time to people who really love you and care about you, not to the ones you how to prove your worth to.

Step into your Future (visualisation)

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This week, I would like to share with you my brand new visualisation STEP INTO YOUR FUTURE. I often find, that by visualising our dreams on a daily basis, meditating and seeing the best version of ourselves now (before it’s even here) can speed up the process of bringing what we desire into our reality. Of course, we also need to take action(s) in this process and have discipline, (nothing is going to happen if you only visualise all day). But, if we are willing to put in some work, we can create some great things in lives.

Never visualised or meditated before? Don’t worry.

This visualisation is very simple and straight forward. All you have to do is to find a comfortable place where you are not going to disturbed for at least 5 minutes. Get your headphones (for the best results and effect I always recommend this), plug-in and make yourself comfortable by sitting or lying down. Then, close your eyes to avoid any visual distractions and let my voice be your guide.

This visualisation is a ‘generic visualisation’, so you can use it for anything you would like to manifest into your life. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed creating it.

Are you jealous of others?

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A friend of mine recently suggested that I should write about jealousy. I wrote on this topic a couple of times before, but I believe there is always more that can be added to it. The definition of jealousy, according to the Google dictionary, is an envious resentment of someone’s achievements, possessions or perceived advantages…

We all get jealous of other people sometimes, whether we admit it or not. But when jealousy turns into an obsession, that is where we need to take a step back and honest look at our lives. We need to ask ourselves, what is it in me, that is making me feel this way towards someone else? What do I need to heal, what do I need to work on, so I could look at this person from a different perspective?

I believe when we see someone who has something we don’t, we are being shown that we are equally worthy of something similar. Life really is like a mirror and if we pay attention, we can see so many magical signs around us and start noticing what they are trying to tell us. Unfortunately, most people would rather focus on the negative, would rather stay in the victim’s zone and resent others, although unintentionally. They don’t realise that when they resent something in others, they are automatically blocking it from themselves. They could have the same abundance, the same success, the same _____fill in the blank, or even something way better, but they unwittingly choose to kill it before the seed is even planted and could manifest something great in their life. By being jealous they are actually doing a lot of disservice to themselves.

So, how do we deal with jealousy? With one simple rule:

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

As harsh as it may sound, mind your own business, my friend. Focus on you. Why do you waste your precious energy on to something that has nothing to do with you? If it means, getting off social media for a while, do it. If it means narrowing down the circle of people you hang around and who trigger you, go for it. Focus on you and what you are trying to create in your life. Leave others to focus on themselves. All of our journies are different and you should focus on yours and yours alone.

A thought to keep

“The jealous are troublesome to others, but torment to themselves.” ~William Penn

The power of story-telling

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I love sharing my stories and experiences with you. I love writing and speaking from the heart. It brings so much happiness to my soul. The reason I share my stories with you, especially the lessons, is because some of you may be going through something similar right now or in the future, and the outlook I’m offering can perhaps help you view your situation from a different perspective or it can offer you some comfort and support. It is the stories that people can easily relate to and see themselves in. There is so much power in all of our stories, whether the stories are inspiring, challenging, happy or sad. There is no shame in what we are going through or what episode of life we are currently in.

Sometimes I get emails from people telling me that they are sorry what is going on in my life, based on the story they read on my blog or social media. This genuinely is a nice gesture and very caring from everyone who takes the time to write. I appreciate these kinds of emails. But my main goal and my intention for sharing any kind of story, whether it’s something challenging or not, is not to make myself a victim and complain that such and such is going on, but to inspire others.

I’m a writer and a story-teller. This comes naturally to me, therefore I write (all kinds of things). I love being of service to others and I believe it is my mission to offer you support when you need it and also let you know, through these stories, that as I coach I don’t have it all figured out. I’m on the journey here on Earth, like everybody else, doing the best I can with the resources and understanding I have at the time. At this time and space, we are surrounded by perfect people and perfect pictures of all kind. By being ourselves and telling the truth about our lives, we show others that it is okay not to be perfect and not to have it all figured out. All is well and life is unfolding as it should.

Let go of control

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Last week, my boyfriend and I were visiting my family in Slovakia. During our visit, we happened to play a lot of table tennis. I didn’t know much about table tennis before and only tried to play it a couple of times before. This time, I’ve decided to learn more about the game.

At first, I felt under pressure and a bit intimidated every time I played. But after a few days, I discovered something that astounded me. The more I played, the more relaxed I became, whether I won or lost. I don’t remember the last time I felt this calm while playing a game. Ever since I can remember, I’ve always been quite competitive in any sport or game. I’ve realised that being calm and not having a controlling attitude, allowed me to fully enjoy the game and also do well in it.

The point of this post is not to teach you about table tennis, but about letting go of expectations and relaxing more into life. When we stop obsessing about something, whether that’s an outcome or wanting things to go a certain way, we become calmer and at peace with ourselves and the world around us. This leads to no expectations and a more joyful way of being. Expectations often lead to disappointments. Going with the flow, on the contrary, is what releases the pressure and allows things to unfold naturally. It makes the whole life experience more interesting and way more meaningful.
Nobody likes controlling energy. Nobody likes controlling people with attitude, obsessing about every single detail or outcome in their life. Nobody likes needy energy and annoying people who put pressure on others. We can all easily feel this kind of energy, and naturally, want to get away from it ASAP.
So, try to relax more into life, even though it may be hard at times. Remember the above example in times when you are trying to control something or someone, and instead of controlling, take a few deep breaths, count down from ten to one, and ask yourself, whether you want to waste your precious energy by being controlling or you want to feel more at peace about it? Remember, that we can’t get too far by having a controlling attitude, however, by approaching life in a calmer manner will bring ourselves more joyful experiences.

Pretending to be fearless

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When I was younger I didn’t have many friends. I wanted to be liked and accepted, so I began seeking approval from others and pretending that my life was interesting, even though it was a complete opposite of that. I wanted to know what it would feel like to be like the popular kids at school and I would do anything to make it happen. I carried the desire to be liked and accepted to my adulthood, and as a result of this, brought so much pain into my life.

Seeking attention and approval was something I would search for daily. Only then, I could feel worthy and somehow accepted. I was constantly trying to prove to others that I was good enough and I wasn’t afraid. I was trying to impress people by showing them what it means to lead this wonderful and adventurous lifestyle that looked good on the outside but was so painful on the inside.

I was full of fear, unhappy and living a big lie. Later, completely exhausted of the theatre performance I put on for many years, I realised none of it makes any sense and how silly it was. I’ve decided to become more myself and being okay with it. Of course, stepping into my truth wasn’t easy at all. Feelings of shame, guilt and anxiety have been following me around like a dark cloud. I still detour to these places every now and then, but I’m no longer hard on myself when I do. I’m not afraid to be myself anymore.

Becoming true to myself

Admitting that I was afraid and stopping to seek approval from others released a lot of pressure from my life. I was no longer relying on them to praise me for my accomplishments and admiring how wonderful my life seemed, instead, I committed to live more and more in my truth. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

If you want to impress someone, impress yourself

The only person you should try to impress is yourself. Forget about impressing other people, stop seeking attention and approval from them and focus on you. What’s the point of pretending to be fearless or worrying what others think of you? It’s not always easy, I completely understand, but give it a go. You’ll feel more at peace and free.

You are far too unique to be comparing yourself to others

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In these times of digital age, we often think, how wonderful other people’s lives are when we look on social media. We see photos of luxurious holidays, flawless selfies of young women with perfect hair. We see inspiring men and women posting fitness videos and pictures in their workout gear and drinking green juices every morning to keep them looking young, healthy and beautiful.

Don’t get me wrong. I love social media and the age we live in. I often get inspired by other people’s sharings and it is through social media I’ve connected with so many incredible people around the entire world.

But being surrounded by all these amazing and flawless beings who are showing us their incredible lives, can make some of us wondering: ‘Where’s my perfect body? Where is my beautiful skin? Where’s my money for all these dream holidays and helicopter rides?’ We begin to compare ourselves to these people and then we feel bad. The truth is, even their reality may not be the way they are presenting it on their social media accounts.

There are not many people who would talk about their struggles online, that they had a bad day or they’ve put on so much weight on in the last couple of months. Instead, people talk about their highlights, which is understandable. Who knows, they may be going through something difficult, we know nothing about, but would not share it publicly. Instead, they lift themselves up by posting something that helps them stay on a positive frequency. Of course, there are also people who like to show off to make others believe how incredible their lives are. But there are also so many genuine people who are just simply excited to share their happiness with others.

I recently read an article about a young model who would post a photo of herself on social media every single day. In that article, she described the whole experience as a rather daunting process. It would take her ages to get ready, take a selfie, airbrushing it and writing a catchy caption to ensure she gets many likes and followers. This always left her feeling exhausted and unfulfilled until she has changed her attitude towards it and started using social media differently.

I must admit, I also airbrushed some of my photos before. I’m still very particular what I post and how I present myself on the internet. But in the last couple of years, I am learning to be more raw and real, as well in photos, so in my articles. Since then, I’ve become to feel more at ease. When you are real, people can relate to you more. They don’t feel intimidated by you or feel bad that they don’t have it all figured out. Then, the comparison becomes irrelevant.

So my friends, let’s be more true to ourselves. Let’s stop comparing ourselves to all these ‘perfect’ people online. We are far too unique to be comparing ourselves to others. Let’s be more loving towards our beautiful selves and let’s stop putting so much pressure on them. Let’s be more authentic and show the world that it’s okay to be that way.